Subjective Experience of Emptiness
The subjective experience of emptiness is a psychological symptom where an individual feels a sense of hollowness or void inside. Feeling empty inside is often accompanied by a sense of emptiness in the external world—for instance, generally in a person’s life. Often, it's associated with feelings of internal darkness and loneliness.
Although feelings of emptiness are mainly linked with borderline personality disorder (BPD), they can be found across a broad spectrum of mental health issues and often coexist with other psychological symptoms. The experience of emptiness can be chronic or intermittent in a person's life. It can also be consciously felt or remain unconscious by using coping mechanisms. These are often characterised by various forms of escapism, such as resorting to sex, relationships, work, travelling, substance abuse, and various other forms of addiction.
What Does Subjective Experience of Emptiness Feel Like?
Herron & Sani (2022) stated that “feeling empty implies a sense that one is going through life mechanically, purposelessly, and numbly, with a sense of an inner void that nothing can fill, which may also be experienced as bodily discomfort, especially in the chest.” (p. 193) This, however, is a narrow definition of the subjective experience of emptiness. In a clinical setting, we often find that experiences of emptiness can be much broader. They can range from feeling like an empty shell or being hollow inside, to experiencing an internal black hole or an internal void. It can also be experienced as being disconnected from oneself and others (Miller et al., 2020). Some describe it as a lack of internal materialisation or a sense of internal vagueness. At times, the internal emptiness may also be experienced as internal fragmentation. It can also occur in the form of one feeling nonexistent or two-dimensional.
Experience of Emptiness can be Conscious or Unconscious
The subjective experience of emptiness doesn't always need to be conscious. While some individuals may feel persistently empty inside, others only experience the feeling of internal emptiness during stressful life events, such as relationship breakdowns, career setbacks, or struggles with ageing. This is because the experience of internal emptiness can remain unconscious as the individual employs coping strategies to keep it at bay. At times, people may get in touch with their internal emptiness only once it surfaces into awareness in psychotherapy.
A person may unconsciously escape feeling empty by immersing themselves in work, maintaining a full schedule, or striving for ultimate success and recognition. They might even resort to creating problems to solve, as this is preferable to experiencing internal emptiness.
Others may unconsciously use social and romantic relationships to escape from feeling empty. A person might find it hard to avoid socialising, even if they don't find it fulfilling or stimulating. At times, people even report finding socialising a chore and begin to resent it. However, they may still find it difficult to refrain from it, as this could increase the discomfort of confronting internal emptiness, in which case internal emptiness is often experienced as mediocrity or boredom. A similar form of escapism can occur through romantic relationships, where one escapes feeling empty inside by losing themselves in others.
The fear of missing out, or FOMO, may also indicate a form of escapism from internal emptiness.
Because such escapism is unconscious, a person will often rationalise it as trying to avoid boredom or attempting to live life to the fullest by experiencing as much as possible in their life. In the process, however, they remain oblivious that it is the internal experience of emptiness that they are struggling with.
Other Experiences Associated with Subjective Experience of Emptiness
The subjective experience of emptiness is typically not an isolated symptom. Those who feel empty inside often grapple with feelings of meaninglessness and purposelessness. These feelings, however, are usually projected outward and attributed to the individual's life rather than recognised as an internal experience. Thus, a person may perceive their life in general, or specific aspects of it, as meaningless. For example, they may struggle to find meaning in their work, career, educational goals, or even in their family life. There may be a pervasive sense of 'nothing giving them that feeling'—a feeling they may not even know how to articulate.
Mediocrity and boredom are also common indicators of the underlying feeling of internal emptiness. This is often rationalised as a person experiencing life as boring and mediocre unless they find that one thing that will fulfil them internally, which could be accomplishments, relationships, lifestyle, etc. As such, people will generally attribute boredom to their external world—their life—rather than recognising its origins within them.
Symptoms Associated with Subjective Experience of Emptiness
Feelings of emptiness often coexist with other symptoms. Individuals who report feeling empty frequently cope with depression and periods of consistently low mood as well as anxiety. They may grapple with existential questions. Occasionally, they may experience panic attacks without understanding their origin.
Clinical experience also reveals a connection between feelings of emptiness and symptoms of eating disorders, particularly binge-eating and overeating.
Self-harm and suicidal ideation are also more prevalent among individuals dealing with chronic feelings of emptiness.
Since a person who struggles with inner emptiness yearns for the internal void to be filled, addiction is also a common co-occurring symptom. Addiction, in such case, can be overt, such as substance abuse, sex addiction, porn addiction, and gambling addition. Alternatively, it can occur in more subtle ways, such as sports addiction, compulsive shopping, work addiction, yearning for recognition from sexual partners, or even addiction to stimulants, such as caffeine.
Where Does Internal Emptiness Come From?
Subjective experience of emptiness remains under-researched, so there is some uncertainty and vagiueness around how it develops. Also, different psychotherapeutic and psychoanalytic theories will see its development from a different perspective.
Generally, clinical experience indicates towards developmental factors, tying the formation of internal emptiness to childhood trauma and adverse childhood experience. these experiences may be associated with overt childhood trauma, such as emotional, verbal, physical abuse, or sexual abuse, or exposure to violence. Or the trauma may be in the form of neglect.
In psychotherapy, individuals that battles with feelings of emptiness often tend to report that their parents were emotionally disengaged, not present psychologically, and failed to ‘see’ them. At times, the experience of the parent may have been as aloof and often depressed.
There are indicators that feeling empty inside may be directly associated to one’s experience of having their needs unmet as a child as they experienced traumatic events, or even—such as in the case of pathological dependency—the child needing to disregard their own developmental needs in order to meet the needs of the parent. For instance, an abused child will learn to unconsciously shift focus from themselves to the abusive parent and appease the parent by meeting their needs, whilst disavowing their own. The child often experiences this as feeling unseen, lacking recognition, feeling unimportant, perhaps feeling like a burden to their parents, or just as an inherent sense of worthlessness, unworthiness, or badness.
This experience of not being seen and potentially feeling like one does not matter will then persist into adulthood. A person will then attempt to fill up the internal void by seeking recognition and feeling seen in their adult life. This may either mean being seen by their parents, their romantic partners, or by achieving success and meeting their own high standards for recognition.
Psychotherapy and Subjective Experience of Emptiness
Psychotherapy provides a distinct approach to addressing the subjective experience of emptiness. The treatment method depends on the approach employed. While some psychotherapeutic approaches may concentrate on the distress caused by the feeling of emptiness, others will target the underlying internal conflicts to alleviate the experience. The treatment process that aims to tackle the origin of the experience of emptiness involves probing the root causes of these emotions. This means investigating past adverse experiences and childhood trauma that might have led to the sense of emptiness. By tackling the resides of the past trauma, psychotherapy aims to effect lasting change for individuals grappling with this challenging psychological state.
Related:
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
The Sense of Meaning and Purpose
References:
Herron, S. J., & Sani, F. (2022). Understanding the typical presentation of emptiness: a study of lived-experience. Journal of mental health (Abingdon, England), 31(2), 188–195. https://doi.org/10.1080/09638237.2021.1922645
Miller, C. E., Townsend, M. L., Day, N. J. S., & Grenyer, B. F. S. (2020). Measuring the shadows: A systematic review of chronic emptiness in borderline personality disorder. PloS One, 15(7), e0233970–e0233970. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0233970