Relationship Issues Counselling and Psychotherapy
Relationship issues therapy is not relationship counselling or couple therapy. It does not involve therapy of a couple but rather takes the form of individual therapy that aims to explore and resolve the individual’s own issues with engaging in relationships. This most often involves difficulties with romantic relationships, but may also involve professional ones, or primary and secondary family relationships.
Commitment issues, either avoidance of it or over-commitment, are just some of the manifestations of relational difficulties. Deepening of issues when two people commit to a relationship or mark their relationship with marriage is also not only a myth but a very common occurrence and something we often deal with in couple therapy.
The process of relationship issues therapy delves deep into the emotions, thoughts, and behaviours that may be affecting one's ability to form or maintain healthy relationships. By focusing on the individual and their personal struggles within various relationship dynamics, this type of therapy provides a safe space for self-exploration and personal growth. Through introspection, a person can gain insight into their patterns of interaction and develop healthier ways of relating to others.
Relationship issues that a person may be experiencing are varied, however, some of the most common ones that we see in therapy are:
Engaging in relationships that are unfulfilling or where one feels unseen.
Issues of dependency and co-dependency whereby one may find themselves feeling unable to leave a toxic or unfulfilling relationship. (Related: The Hidden Faces of Dependency)
Recurring pattern of entering into emotionally or physically abusive relationships. People who have experienced emotional or physical abuse as children, either themselves or between their parents, may develop an unconscious attachment to trauma and abuse and find themselves re-engaging in abusive romantic relationships in adulthood.
Continuously searching for a relationship that will meet one’s needs but constantly ending up disappointed.
Getting caught up in relationships that are infantile and without any prospect of maturation and development.
Issues with commitment. Either member of the couple may have issues with fully committing to the relationship, which may leave the relationship in a standstill, without further development, progress, and maturation.
Avoidance of romantic relationships, leading to a life of solitude. At times, this may be accompanied by an excessive focus on one’s family of origin or preoccupation with one’s parents. Or it may come with excessive focus on one’s career.
Issues with sexual intimacy. Either lack of sexual intimacy between partners or the use of sex to gratify one’s deeper intimacy needs. This may indicate one’s deeper rooted conflicts associated with intimacy and sexuality.
Constant fears of rejection, separation, or abandonment.
Origins of Relationship Issues
Relationship patterns in adulthood originate in child development, so an individual’s relationship issues will also be determined by developmental failures that they may have experienced in their early relationships with their caregivers. Because childhood relational patterns are internalised, they not only form the main patterns of one’s relating in adult relationships, but also an individual’s sense of self, effecting self-esteem and a sense of self-worth. Addressing these early relational patterns and analysing their developmental failures is crucial in understanding and improving one's current adult relationships.
One of the ways we can understand the influence of childhood experiences on one’s adult relationships is through understanding the individual’s attachment patterns, which determine their adult attachment style. Attachment patterns established in childhood can significantly impact how individuals navigate adult relationships. Those who developed secure attachments with caregivers tend to exhibit healthier attachment styles in their romantic relationships. Conversely, individuals with insecure attachment patterns, characterised by either anxiety or avoidance, may struggle with intimacy and trust issues in their adult relationships. These challenges stemming from childhood experiences can manifest and create complexities within romantic and other relationships, requiring a deeper understanding which one can gain through psychotherapy or counselling.
Developmental or childhood relationships with caregivers are therefore the foundation of a person’s experience in their adult relationships. For instance, a person who, during their childhood, grew up in fear of their parents breaking up, may not only have issues with their romantic relationships but also remain largely preoccupied and dependent on their family of origin. In romantic relationships, they may present with anxiety about a potential break-up, which may even lead them towards ending the relationship prematurely just to get rid of the anxiety. Additionally, they may go the extra mile and neglect their own needs to meet the needs of their romantic partner in order to prevent abandonment. On the other hand, this same person may still, as an adult, remain preoccupied with their family of origin and find it difficult to emotionally separate in order to live a life of their own.
Another example may be someone that seemingly had loving, attentive and caring parents. They may have grown up in a family which they considered as filled with love. Later in life, however, they may find themselves having difficulties engaging in relationships with romantic partners or having an experience of “not finding the right person”. Exploration of internal conflicts may reveal that such individuals may completely unconsciously remain overly dependent on their parents, which results in difficulties with their romantic partners and sexual intimacy.
The Role of Psychotherapy and Counselling in Dealing with Relationship Issues
Whether it be addressing challenges in romantic partnerships, professional collaborations, or family connections, relationship issues counselling and psychotherapy offer invaluable support in navigating the complexities of human relationships. Seeking therapy can be instrumental in this process, providing a safe space to explore what a person is bringing into their relationship dynamics and develop healthier ways of relating to oneself and others. Ultimately, by healing the wounds of the past, individuals can pave the way for more satisfying and meaningful relationships in the present and future.
As such, psychotherapy and counselling play a crucial role in addressing relationship issues. The therapist may help a person explore their internal conflicts that underpin their relational challenges and help them not only bring them into awareness but also resolve them. This is facilitated by providing individuals with a safe space to explore their dynamics and develop healthier ways of relating. Through this process, individuals often find themselves relating in healthier ways and entering into more fulfilling relationships.
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